One of the worst feelings in the world is getting to the end of the day and realizing you forgot something important. I mean the guilt of looking back over a day at time wasted and moments missed weighs heavy, doesn’t it? Especially that sinking feeling of knowing you can’t go back and change anything, no matter how badly you wish you could.
Have ever felt that? You get to the end of the day only to realize or be reminded that you broke a promise to take your son to practice parallel parking. Or, you’re distracted on your phone during your daughter’s recital. Afterwards she asks you what your favorite part was, and you have to look into those eyes without an answer because you missed the whole thing — even though your butt was in the seat.
The sad reality is we have no shortage of alternatives pulling for our attention. Business, work, TV, social media, relationships, TV, the list goes on pretty much forever.
And, in case you haven’t figured it out, every draw for your attention presses itself upon you with its own urgency. It’s too easy — far too easy — to let what someone else feels is urgent squeeze out what is most important to you.
I want better for my life than what someone else thinks is urgent; I want to give my life to the people and projects that really matter to me. I hope you want better for you and your family too!
To that end, let me offer you 4 steps to help you make sure you give time to what really matters to you.
Step 1: Set the standard
I’m not a sports guy, but I know that every game has an objective — a way to measure who wins. Imagine you and 19 other guys were just dropped into a field with some type of ball you’ve never seen before, and you were given the sole command to win. What goes through your mind?
How do you score points? Who is on your team? Are there teams? Is there a time limit?
You have to know the basic rules to play a game. At the top of that list is HOW to win and WHO is on your team if anyone.
I submit to you that many of us are trying to play a game without knowing even the basic rules. Pretend your life was a game. When you come to the end of it, how do you know whether you won or not?
In this step I want you to think about your values. What does it look like to win? Are you living in a mansion with truckloads of money, but no family? Does it look like being surrounded by children and grandchildren who adore you? A wife thankful for the lifetime she had with you?
An exercise to help you with this is to write the obituary for your ideal self. When you come to the end of your life, how do you want it to be described?
Take a little bit of time for this, but really work out what your highest values are. Once you have that picture, work it a little more to see what if anything you can strip out. Would you rather be known as a loving father, or a successful businessman? Generous, or rich?
I’m not saying you can’t have both, but thinking about it like this helps you see which you value more. Then try to boil your highest values down to 2 or 3 statements.
I’m a loving father.
I’m a great husband.
I’m a devoted Christian.
Decide what the top 2 or 3 are for you, and then move on to the next step.
Step 2: List out the options
This step is pretty straightforward. What are your tasks and activities for the week? Make a list and group them by category. So, separate your works tasks from your home tasks. Pro tip: make sure there is a group for each of your highest values you determined in step 1. So with my examples, I’d need group of tasks and activities for each value: father, husband, Christian.
Father: Johnny has a dentist appointment, Susie has a recital
Husband: Jane’s birthday is this week
Christian: church service, quiet time
I think you get the idea.
Next add to each grouping tasks or activities you would LIKE to do. Maybe for work it’s getting a meeting with a client. For your side hustle maybe it’s developing a new product. Family game night. Date night. A special service at church. Find what suits your life and values.
Step 3: Lay the foundation of your week
So you have a list of all the activities, grouped into categories. Now it’s time to start filling your calendar.
Start with your value activities. Fill in your calendar with any that already have a set or required date and time. If being an amazing parent is 
one of your top values, an example would be a dentist appointment; it already has a set date and time. Then do the same for your predetermined activities outside of your highest values, such as that monthly staff meeting.
Now go back to your list of value activities. Choose at least one activity or task from each value that will move you toward the description you wrote in step 1 and block out time for it on your calendar.
Keeping with my examples, it might look like this: schedule a block of time to turn your phone off for family game night; block out time for date-night with your wife; schedule a 20 minute block each day for reading a book that will help you gain a deeper appreciation for the Resurrection.
Take a moment and look over the week so far. Did you struggle to find time to schedule your high-value activities because you were already loaded down with predetermined appointments? Or, do you just see far too many predetermined appointments? Can some be done away with?
Assuming what you have so far is either important to you, or firmly set, this is your priority calendar. Whatever happens, this is the one you protect.
Now that you have your baseline schedule on your calendar it’s time to move on to the next step.
Step 4: Build the rest of your week
Now you take the remaining activities and fill them into the calendar as space allows. It’s that simple. Bonus tip: schedule in time for your self care!!
Perhaps you have some objections at this point? Facing some conflicting appointments?
The hard part of this step is when you run into those points of conflict. And the solution is fairly simple, but it can be hard.
Susie’s recital is at 7:00 PM on Thursday, but that’s also when the time a potential client can meet you this week. How do you decide which? It may be harsh, but you pick the one you value more. I’m guessing thinking about it in those terms makes you uncomfortable. “Of course I value my daughter over a potential business deal!” Then choose the recital. Whatever internal tension you feel about it is tension between your values.
Obviously there are an overwhelming number of possibilities like this that might come up. And I recognize that there may well be times that given your values, current circumstances, and past history it could make sense to choose the meeting over the recital. But at times like this it’s important to recall Scripture like:
Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
There is a reason we started this process by looking at our values. Our choices sew into our lives what we have to reap later. In our example, the choice between your child’s recital and the potential profit of a business deal will sew a seed you’ll have to reap later. You are now who your past choices shaped you.
On of my hypothetical values above is I am a loving father. Which choice will help me reap that value? We need to start with our values because there will be conflicts. If you haven’t thought about your values, it’s easy to follow a path which leads you where you don’t want to go. What’s missing one recital? You can make up for it with the money you stand to make from the deal, right? But, what if one recital turns into two? Two into 10?
At the beginning of this post I raised the issue of how terrible it feels when you miss something important because you were so busy. Busyness is not a virtue (see my post It’s Too Dangerous Being Too Busy!) If you want to put first things first, schedule first things first. That’s how you take control and move in the direction you really want to go.
Conclusion
Twenty years from now you’re going to be wherever your choices bring you. You don’t have to follow these four steps; I’m not the boss of you — as my children would say. But it’s worth at least considering where you want to get to, and whether your life is scheduled to actually get you there.
Someone will control your schedule; it might as well be you!
Let me pray for you:
Gracious Father,
Help us make choices today, and schedule our lives today, so that when we come to the end of our lives we can be proud of life we’ve built. More important, help us a build our lives in such a way that we get to hear from you “Well done, good and faithful servant”.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord,
Amen
